Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
