I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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