Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
