He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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