Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
