She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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