How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
