Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
