I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
