then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
