I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
