I never want to see another naked old woman again.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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