you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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