I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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