What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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