"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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