I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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