under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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