it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
