i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
