Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
