JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
