i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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