her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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