and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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