while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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