I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
