ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I deserve this hangover.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
