i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
