oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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