If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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