Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
