fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
