you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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