apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
