sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize