Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
