hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
