pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
