It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
