Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
