And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
