What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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