I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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