you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
