i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
