Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
