Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So much Jack, so little girl.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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