So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
