Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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