I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
