I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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