Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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