He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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