goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
