I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize