omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just pee around me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
