My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
