So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize