I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
only if we run a train.
done.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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