before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
