I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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