I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
